Shits
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Who wouldn't want the chance to perform on stage.
I'm only playing 3 songs so who cares. Might as well
go and do backstage crew. At least I am slightly
better at doing back stage operations. Most of my
batch ppl are playing like 6-8 songs while i only
have 3. It only mean one thing. I still dun have
the rights to perform on the same stage as them.
Why did i join Daiko in the first place. I have
already lost all the feel to Daiko in last year's
Element concert. Why do i still try so hard to do
things for them. I have a choice to just leave.
So why am I still working so hard for this year's
Concert. It's not about how many songs I'm playing
anymore. I don't wish to perform anymore. I've
told some of them that I don't want to perform
anymore but all of them keep saying no, you can't
do that. But why? I have a choice and I can chose
not to listen to you. It's the last year for some
of you. If I can perfect the back stage operation
and put on a great show which will be embeded in
your memories, why not? I don't care about credits.
It's not about you or me. For I will be gone soon.
There's no point getting so close to each other
for we will be parting from each other. What for
have a painful parting if you can just leave in
silent. Maybe this is just my point of view. I
have never gotten close to anyone and i don't
think I will even get close to anyone. The closer
you are to others, the more scars you will get.
I choose not to reveal any infomation for myself
so that I won't get too attach. And yet there are
people who don't understand. Damn. Why the heck am
I tearing when I am typing this. I'm so useless.
I can't even do a single thing right. Why the heck
is my name being chant. I'm use a useless fool who
brainwashed myself into believing things that will
never come true. Screw all my dreams. I WILL NEVER
BE ABLE TO CREATE MY OWN GAME EMPIRE!!!
Screw it all. It's all just my own foolish fantasy.
Who needs companies. Why do I even care to be the
support pillar for those around me. Why the heck
do I open up my boundaries and allow people into
my life and give them support. I'm just a joke.
Thrash should know their limits and boundary.
Who cares anyway. For I will be gone soon. No one
cares. Human are selfish creatures. Why did I throw
away my selfishness.
Theres no light in my world. I'm so jealous about
others. Theres so much that I greed for. So what.
Even if I write down everything which I want, who
cares. They say that there is justice, but I say
that it's total bullshit. The kind ones will never
get what they deserved but the evil ones gets all
the credits. This is a world where the one that can
sync your views to theirs rule.
Screw it. Why do I keep thinking about the concert
plannings. All my ideas will never work. Why is my
brain still thinking about it. I'm just a complete
retard. What's the point of giving my 200% in every
thing that I do. Others are hardly putting any efforts
into it. SO WHY THE HECK DO I EVEN CARE SO MUCH! I
COULD JUST APPROVE ALL THEIR IDEAS AND LET THIS WHOLE
CONCERT FAIL! WHY IN THE FREAKING HELL DO I CARE SO
MUCH! I'M JUST A TOTAL FAILURE! I CAN'T EVEN DO THE
SIMPLEST THINGS CORRECTLY! WHY DO YOU ASSIGN ME AS
THE WELFARE OF THE CLUB! WHY DO YOU GIVE ME THE ROLE
OF 2IC FOR THE CONCERT! WHY! EVEN IF I ASK THIS OUT
LOUD, WHO THE HECK WILL CARE AND WHO THE HECK WILL
BE ABLE TO GIVE ME ANSWERS!
Seriously, screw it all. It's so troublesome and
complicated to work with others. I might as well
go back into my shell which I use to do. What's
the point of giving so much when I knew all along
that not one will thank you for all that you have
done. They will just take everything you give for
granted, as if you own them those things.
I've been thinking for a long time. Maybe i should
just disappear from this world. Nobody cares anyway.
Who would care about a failure like me. Maybe the
lifes of those around will be better that way. I
should just stand down.
I find no point to carry on. So what if I can
perfect backstage operations now. Nobody will tell
you things like, "Good job bro!~". They will just
forget about the whole damn thing. Screw the concept
of planning a concert where no one will forget what
we have been through. After the concert it will just
be a part of the forgotten memories. No one will care
about what you have done. Theres no reason for me to
go the extra mile. No one will sync with my idea.
Back stage crew? I don't even think that a failure
like me is even suitable to be part of the back stage
crew. I should just disappear, without a trace.
Never gonna experience a relationship, never gonna
be a fool to help others, never gonna open my inter
feelings. Locking myself up in my own cell.
Don't even try to cross the boundaries for i will
never allow others in. Screw life. It will just eat
you up and split you out as if you are some kind of
shit.
Why am I even here in the first place. Whatever.
This song kinda summarize what I am feeling now.

No matter how much i practice, I will never get it
correct.
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