Name: Bobby ColdHeart
Birthday: 9 Nov 92
Gender: Male
Horoscope: Scorpio
School: Singapore Polytechnic (SP)
Bukit Merah Secondary School (BMSS)
Zhangde Primary School (ZPS)
Artist
Girls' Generation
Taylor Swift
T-ara
Avril Lavigne
Linking Park
Important Dates
9 Aug - National Day
9 Nov - Birthday
15 May - Sunny's Birthday
Never Forget
19 June 2010 - Elements
29 October 2011 - SummerBeat
Wishlist
Tablet or Wacomdel> SNSD's Cup Attend a SNSD concert New Hoodie
Learn Korean and Japanese
Travel to Korea and Japan
Armoured Core Modeling Kit
Warhammer 40k Dreadnought Modeling Kit
SNSD's Album
Korea Releases
2001 Into The New World
2007 Girls' Generation
2008 Baby Baby
2009 Gee
2009 Genie
2010 Oh!
2010 Run Devil Run
2010 Hoot
2011 Girls' Generation Live Album - The First Asia tour: Into The New World
2011 The Boys
2011 Mr Taxi
2012 Twinkle
2013 I Got A Boy
Japan Releases
2010 Genie
2010 Gee
2011 Mr Taxi
2011 Girls' Generation
2011 Girls' Generation: Re-packaged Japan 1st Album
Once again, I have bunk myself up in the clubroom. Close to the point of breaking down, controlling my emotions so that it will not show. Seriously. Nobody listens to whatever i say. So why the hell do I care for them. Everything is not as it was one year ago. I noticed that the one who change was not the others. It was me who have change. I grew too attach to them and now i am creaing a distance between me and the rest. Theres no point getting too close to others. You will just end up hurting yourself even more. Relationshp, who needs one. You can only depen on yourself. Nobody but yourself understand what you are going through the best. What for telling others your problem. They won't even give a shit about you anyway.
I once step out of my world of darkness. But life itself is a bitch. If you leave yourself open, Life will eat you up and shit you out and make you wish that you shouldn't have been born. That's why I went back to my own world and barricade myself inside, never to come out again.
Who needs friends when you can stand strong yourself. Screw the there is no I in a Team. Nobody will care about their teammates. They will only leech off from the stronger ones. There is no Us. It's only me and the rest of the crowd. Isolation is all I need. Who gives a damn about friendship. Who the hell care about relationship. I will stand strong and bring down what ever shit that is in my way.
Who needs company. Team is for the weak. I walk alone. Leech off from me for all you want. I will take you down. I don't care who the hell you are. I will prove that even when i go solo i can still perform as efficent as your so called "team".
May everyday is a Sunny day!~
Given Up
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I dreamed I was missing. You were so scared. But no one would listen. 'Cause no one else cared.
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear. What am I leaving, when I'm done here?
So if you're asking me, I want you to know.
When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty. Keep me in your memory, Leave out all the rest.
Don't be afraid, I've taken my beating. I've shared what I've made. I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through. I've never been perfect, but neither have you.
Forgetting all the hurt inside, you've learned to hide so well pretending someone else can come and save me from myself. I can't be who you are.
Another day's been laid to waste in my disgrace. Stuck in my head again, feels like I'll never leave this place. There's no escape.
I'm my own worst enemy.
I've given up, I'm sick of feeling, is there nothing you can say.
Take this all away, I'm suffocating. Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me!
I don't know what to take, thought I was focused but I'm scared. I'm not prepared.
I hyperventilate, looking for help somehow somewhere. And no one cares.
If there is a God, put me out of my fucking misery.
May everyday is a Sunny day!~
Shits
Who wouldn't want the chance to perform on stage. I'm only playing 3 songs so who cares. Might as well go and do backstage crew. At least I am slightly better at doing back stage operations. Most of my batch ppl are playing like 6-8 songs while i only have 3. It only mean one thing. I still dun have the rights to perform on the same stage as them. Why did i join Daiko in the first place. I have already lost all the feel to Daiko in last year's Element concert. Why do i still try so hard to do things for them. I have a choice to just leave. So why am I still working so hard for this year's Concert. It's not about how many songs I'm playing anymore. I don't wish to perform anymore. I've told some of them that I don't want to perform anymore but all of them keep saying no, you can't do that. But why? I have a choice and I can chose not to listen to you. It's the last year for some of you. If I can perfect the back stage operation and put on a great show which will be embeded in your memories, why not? I don't care about credits. It's not about you or me. For I will be gone soon. There's no point getting so close to each other for we will be parting from each other. What for have a painful parting if you can just leave in silent. Maybe this is just my point of view. I have never gotten close to anyone and i don't think I will even get close to anyone. The closer you are to others, the more scars you will get.
I choose not to reveal any infomation for myself so that I won't get too attach. And yet there are people who don't understand. Damn. Why the heck am I tearing when I am typing this. I'm so useless. I can't even do a single thing right. Why the heck is my name being chant. I'm use a useless fool who brainwashed myself into believing things that will never come true. Screw all my dreams. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CREATE MY OWN GAME EMPIRE!!!
Screw it all. It's all just my own foolish fantasy. Who needs companies. Why do I even care to be the support pillar for those around me. Why the heck do I open up my boundaries and allow people into my life and give them support. I'm just a joke. Thrash should know their limits and boundary.
Who cares anyway. For I will be gone soon. No one cares. Human are selfish creatures. Why did I throw away my selfishness.
Theres no light in my world. I'm so jealous about others. Theres so much that I greed for. So what. Even if I write down everything which I want, who cares. They say that there is justice, but I say that it's total bullshit. The kind ones will never get what they deserved but the evil ones gets all the credits. This is a world where the one that can sync your views to theirs rule.
Screw it. Why do I keep thinking about the concert plannings. All my ideas will never work. Why is my brain still thinking about it. I'm just a complete retard. What's the point of giving my 200% in every thing that I do. Others are hardly putting any efforts into it. SO WHY THE HECK DO I EVEN CARE SO MUCH! I COULD JUST APPROVE ALL THEIR IDEAS AND LET THIS WHOLE CONCERT FAIL! WHY IN THE FREAKING HELL DO I CARE SO MUCH! I'M JUST A TOTAL FAILURE! I CAN'T EVEN DO THE SIMPLEST THINGS CORRECTLY! WHY DO YOU ASSIGN ME AS THE WELFARE OF THE CLUB! WHY DO YOU GIVE ME THE ROLE OF 2IC FOR THE CONCERT! WHY! EVEN IF I ASK THIS OUT LOUD, WHO THE HECK WILL CARE AND WHO THE HECK WILL BE ABLE TO GIVE ME ANSWERS!
Seriously, screw it all. It's so troublesome and complicated to work with others. I might as well go back into my shell which I use to do. What's the point of giving so much when I knew all along that not one will thank you for all that you have done. They will just take everything you give for granted, as if you own them those things.
I've been thinking for a long time. Maybe i should just disappear from this world. Nobody cares anyway. Who would care about a failure like me. Maybe the lifes of those around will be better that way. I should just stand down.
I find no point to carry on. So what if I can perfect backstage operations now. Nobody will tell you things like, "Good job bro!~". They will just forget about the whole damn thing. Screw the concept of planning a concert where no one will forget what we have been through. After the concert it will just be a part of the forgotten memories. No one will care about what you have done. Theres no reason for me to go the extra mile. No one will sync with my idea.
Back stage crew? I don't even think that a failure like me is even suitable to be part of the back stage crew. I should just disappear, without a trace.
Never gonna experience a relationship, never gonna be a fool to help others, never gonna open my inter feelings. Locking myself up in my own cell.
Don't even try to cross the boundaries for i will never allow others in. Screw life. It will just eat you up and split you out as if you are some kind of shit.
Why am I even here in the first place. Whatever. This song kinda summarize what I am feeling now.
No matter how much i practice, I will never get it correct.
ITP and other stuff
Friday, April 8, 2011
today or rather i would say yesterday night, our ITP result was posted in sch. went to check it tis morning and i got into the Game Resource Center @ innvo-v, SP. was wad i wanted. at first. im not so sure about it anymore. theres so many things going on inside my head rite now. im not really sure where i wan to go now. mayb i have lost sight of my dream. but one thing for sure. theres no point standing here and waiting. even if u move blindly, some how u will see the path that u wanted some where.
anyway, got a sms today. the sms was about me being too serious about the concert planning. well, i agree tat i am quite serious about it as i wan it to be one where the audience will nvr forget. i would rather give up the chance to perform on stage if i can perfect the back stage operation. i dun mind not performing and solely being a back stage crew. i sux at druming. might as well do something which i am better at. well, i sux at everything anyway so wads the point.
anyway, moving on, the sms also said tat i am anxious due to the timeline and my ITP. well, i totally disagree to tis line. i am not the type to let other things get in my way. i am not worried tat i cannot continue planning becos my ITP is starting. even if i have ITP, i still have the night and bus trips to plan. besides, my itp is only weekday. the weekends are totally empty.
the timeline? there was no milestone for us to meet anyway. its all set by us, the OIC and 2IC. so wads the point of me worrying about the time frame? i set it myself or rather, we set it ourself. we can gauge about how long each section needs.
there are ppl saying tat i am organized. i dun feel tat i am organized at all. in fact i feel that i cant even do anything well at all. although i always tell others tat there is a reason for wadever i do, but still, no one will trust me. tats y i just say theres a reason tats why i do tat. tell me y they say i am organized as i am not convince at all.
the last of the sms was tat i am very serious or formal. its because u r rank higher in terms of hierarchy and we are doing work. thats y i use formal speech with you.
alwell. its a dead blog anyway. just a place for me to throw or deposit all my memories here. lets hope no one read tis post as its only between tis site and me.
hope tis will gimme some motivation to carry on working.
May everyday is a Sunny day!~
gap
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
the gap between me and everybody feels to be widening. maybe i should try and close the gap some how. or should i just leave it as it is?
sometimes its better not to get too attach to others for in the end its painful to separate.
regarding the concert, i feel that its better if we cancel it. dun see any point in planning it anymore. its getting too personal. we lost our target audience already so theres no point if you ask me.
May everyday is a Sunny day!~
Concert Planning
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
theres so many Communication rite now within the 2IC and all. really dun feel like keeping up with the planning as 2IC I seriously feel like just doing the backstage crew and not plan and perform.
well, lets not let these kind of things spoil the mood.